Shopaholic goes Broke and Emo

It is only 23rd of the month and i am already broke with a capital B. Damn broke to be exact. Last month's salary was credited early hence the misery. I am down to my last Rm10 and this is AFTER duit ehsan from hubby. I could have had an extra RM30 but spent it on a body suit i need for the upcoming ERC dinner. Sigh... To make things worse, i have already a new shopping list for December LoL


I am also an Emo (not Elmo) wreck all of a sudden. I feel that i have not been a good friend and an individual as a whole. I have been forgetting alot of birthdays, i have been saying alot of nasty and inappropriate things unintentionally and i have also not been treating people around me right. I really do not mean it most of the times. I am probably just gullible and naive. I probably grew up and learnt from my bad experience but i did not take it well.


I used to remember birthdays. I even take the effort to remember classmates birthdays especially the ones close to me . I will try to save some pocket money i get daily (no, i do not get allowance ever!) just to get a friend a birthday present. I usually end up with something cheapo things like an eraser or pencil or anything i can afford with my less than RM1/daily pocket money. Obviously the phrase "the thought that counts" does not matter during that time. Then came my birthday and no one remembers let alone get me any birthday present. I love presents especially birthday presents. After a while, i came to realize that people don't remember your birthday so why bother. Unconsciously, it affects me till today. I don't remember friends' birthdays as much as i did before so hit me! i am guilty.


A malay saying, "terlajak perahu boleh di undur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya". i guess this is so true. I was a very shy and quiet girl. Since i had problems making people to listen to me and since i told myself it is time to speak up, i do it carelessly. I say whatever is on my mind without thinking. They call it confidence and outspoken but hey, do it carefully. I know i have hurt alot of feelings but please believe me, hurting you is the last thing i had on my mind. I was just being truthful. Too truthful i think without being considerate. I tend to say inappropriate things at the wrong time. I want to tell you that i feel sad for you but instead i share another heartbroken story that makes you feel even worse. I want to tell you it is ok and things will get better but instead i bragged that i am better. Like the typical Malaysian i know you'd say, "Haiyaaa... what la you. Why you say like that?"


So to all my family and friends out there, i sincerely apologize for any wrong doings be it intentionally or unintentionally. I mean well but i don't do it well.


2 cents from an Emo shopaholic. Being broke really affects you eh? or is it the Monday Blues?